I feel after a couple conversations/confrontations during the last
two weeks that I just need to really stand up for myself.
I am not going to go into extreme specifics even though I want to.
THIS IS ME PEOPLE!!!! This is me. I am Meg...
I have made decisions in my life, and I stand by them.
It's been quite some time, 8 years to be exact, since
I decided to no longer be in the church I was raised in.
Apparently to some people that makes me the freaking devil,
but that's your problem if you think that- because I'm not.
The issues are exhausted, and there are SO MANY details that I can
hardly begin to go into. But I am so sick and tired of
being judged and being treated like less of a person because
of the choices I have made for MY life.
The tip-toeing around the subject has gone on long enough.
I have lost many friends over this, and even some extended family
members treat me different now. It saddens me that people
care so much over certain details, and can't see past it to
just accept me for who I am.
I accept you, no matter who or what you are. I love you
for the person that you are no matter who or what you choose.
I can't understand why people are so closed minded!???
Do I make you feel bad, and treat you like crap because
you DO go to church, or choose something different?
I wouldn't, and couldn't because it's WHO YOU ARE.
I accept that and think it's great. You can be whatever you want!
I feel sad that I have to even write this post, to me, it seems like
it's just SO unnecessary. I know that things are said behind
my back. Comments, conversations, snide remarks...
But it wasn't until this past week that it has all culminated to
the point where I can't sit here anymore and pretend.
I realize that a lot of people don't know any different,
so they assume that I cannot be happy.
That is a sad assumption. I have the same everyday stresses
that we all go through, but I have never been happier with my life.
I think that people spend too much time judging and tearing other
people down. All I want to do sometimes is hold up a mirror.
I want to say "What makes you so much better than me?".
Why can't people do what they are taught, and be "Christlike"?
Do you think Jesus would lecture me, and tell me I'm such a
horrible person for not going to church, and try to make
me feel like I'm less than him? You know the answer.
Despite how people can treat me, I'm not angry, I'm used to it.
I just won't sit here & pretend like I don't have anything to say back.
So just like when church people stand up and "challenge"
you to do something, I challenge you this...
I challenge you to to take a lesson in acceptance. I challenge
you to not judge people when it's not your place to do so,
and instead, to step outside your comfort level & and love them
for who they are instead of what you would rather they be.
It's amazing the things you'll learn, and see.
That goes for EVERYONE, take a walk back to the golden rule.
Treat people like you'd want to be treated.
This is me. I am Meg. Take it or leave it...
PS- I realize I may be stirring the pot, what else is new?
You can e-mail me megbrown1112@hotmail.com if you don't want
your comment to show on my blog. I understand.
15 comments:
Meg, don't think I don't see how happy you are. You and Jared are a Christian couple with a very sweet relationship. In alot of ways you two have it more figured out then some of the most fiercly religious people I know. You are going to have a relationship with God that is all your own. Which is just as it should be. We all worship the same God and that is what I choose to focus on, not that I practice my faith differently then you. I will not ever deny my beliefs, but I surely will not ever make you deny yours. I love you with all my heart Meg Brown. You have a good life, and I believe God has blessed you greatly. He knows your heart, don't let us Mormons get you down. God is aware and one day all those who judged you will also be judged.
I agree with Chelsee. I have been on both sides. In the Church and not, yet I found my happiness with the Church. Doesn't mean everyone else will. I will admit, I have questioned what it was that made you decide not to be in the Church anymore. BUT, that doesn't make me not want you as a friend and I don't like you any less. That would be silly. I love YOU Meg, and that is all that matters.
And, don't post anymore pictures of CHOCOLATE CAKE!!! I can't take it! What kind of detox do you do? I really miss chocolate cake.
We love you Meg. I honestly hope I have never made you feel alienated or like an outsider. I understand people have their agency and they get to decide to live their life the way they feel is best for them. Far be it for me to tell someone else the way I live my life needs to be the way THEY live theirs. I do love you though and hope we get to see you soon!
Heavy post Meg..I guess all I want to add is this- I never grew up in the church..matter of fact..it took a foster family to introduce it to me. I felt like an outsider,where the church is concerned, most my life. (I wasn't blond, blessed or confident at all!..if you know what I mean.)I had to be true to myself to get anywhere. I think we all need to do that the best we can and we'll find our happiness. I have a strong testimony in what I believe because of personal hardships and experiences I've had. Nothing can change those most spiritual events that have occurred in my life. I will always believe our church to be true. I hope I never made you feel anything but respect, adoration and love for you, despite our differences. You're an awesome woman that I think very highly of. Just want you to know.
I LOVE you too Meg. I know we haven't been as close as we used to be but I would like to hope that its because we live so far apart now. I hope I have never made you feel alienated as well. You are happy and that's all I care about! I love you and I miss you!! I really admire you for writing this and standing up for what you believe in at least you are being true to yourself and that's more then I can say for a lot of people. I believe that the church makes me happy and helps me in my life but that's my decisions that's what is right for ME!
hey sis. you and i have had some pretty deep conversations about this and it really makes me mad to hear about what some person thinks...just dont listen to those people who dont know whats really up. but ive told you a billion times or more that i love you and always will bcuz your my big sis and that will never change!!! love ya - col
P.S. we need to hang out on your next day off if you want to go to lunch or something:)
what a sweet brother. I love your new blog did you make it? You know I love ya and where we stand,and what we have worked through, we are so blessed you are our daughter, nothing will ever change that!!!Mom
Woman, I know EXACTLY how you feel.
I had a very close friend, one I've know from the time we were Beehives, tell me that she would "pray for me" when she found I had my records removed. I was never so offended and hurt by anyone else's comments. (Well, maybe also by my mom's insistence that I was now going to burn in outer darkness.) I'm not asking for her prayers. I'm not asking for her to "still love me" (another group of words she used). I'm asking her to stop putting yourself above me and thinking that she can ONLY have the answers. All of humanity, not just Mormons, needs to take a step back and just think for one moment that maybe they don't have all the answers and that there might be more than one way to live. A warm fuzzy feeling, IMO, does not constitute absolute knowledge.
It's a hard road, leaving the church. I've lost SO many friends and even family. But like you, I have never felt so at peace with my non-religious life. And some members will tell you that you're not REALLY feeling happiness, that it's just SATAN disguised as the calmest peace you've ever felt, but they DO NOT KNOW. They are not you. The only people we have to answer to is ourselves. And that's THAT! I'm constantly asking myself why people take religion so personally....I just don't get it.
I commend you for standing up for yourself. That's a very difficult thing to do.
Meg! All I have to say about this post, is how proud I am of you for writing it. I have known you for a LONG time, and you have been one of the sweetest, most loyal of friends that I know.. you and Jared have such a strong amazing relashionship, and THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. YOUR decisions, are ALL that matters. NO ONE.. can tell you what is RIGHT. You and I have also had conversations before about this and your relashionship with god is your own, and does not need to be shared with anyone. It is your own right to believe in whatever you want.. As you know, I am from NY..and before I moved to AZ, I never heard of a mormon before in my life, does that make me a bad person, or someone to be judged? I BELIEVE just as mormons have there own beliefs, that god does not judge people. Mothers do not disown there children or make them feel less of a person, and that god loves EVERYONE. Its crazy to me, to think that someone can tell you what is right, when they don't know themselves...they have faith, and that's it, (that's why its called a belief, or faith!!) and that's great for them..end of story! You are a GREAT person, and a LONG TIME friend of mine..and I am always here for you! If you EVER need anything, or ever need to vent, or just go out for drinks, you know where to find me! I love ya!!! TRUE friends, TRUE family.. support the people that they love NO MATTER what.. if you have people in your life who bring you down, and do not suppoet you, do without them. It's their loss..!!
Meg, It takes a strong person to post something like this, and you have always been. It breaks my heart that you would even have to publish this post. But, there are people out there that try to tear others down to help them feel better about themselves. Especially when it comes to beliefs in God. If people would spend more time getting to really know a person than wasting that time judging. There would be more happy people. Love you for who you are :)
Wow! Just that fact that you even wrote this post shows that you are still struggling with who you are and where you stand with God. One day you will have to be accountable for the choices that you are making. It has nothing to do with what others believe or think of you. It has everything to do with how you feel about yourself and what you think of who you are. What are your personal beliefs? Have you ever actually prayed to God about the truthfullness of the gospel and sought an honest answer? I challenge YOU to do that! You are probably afraid to find out that it really is and then you would have to stop making selfish choices. I don't personally know you, just came across your blog and I think you are beautiful and talented and a really smart girl. Keep in mind, you had your say and full on blasted everyone, most likely innocent people you are mis-judging, so respect what others have to say as well not just because it's what you want to hear.
I wish you all the best and I hope you get it figured out soon that it's between you and God ONLY, not everyone else.
Please don't take what the person above said to heart. It is hard because we put these personal things on the internet and all kinds of people have the ability to comment on the intimate details of our lives. You are a good woman. I hope this doesn't make you too angry, don't waste the energy. They don't even know you for goodness sake. I love you, call me anytime.
Thanks Chelsee. It's sad because what I was trying to get across is that I just want to "agree to dissagree", and all get along. I have people react to me like that all the time. I'm used to it, and if this person would have taken the time to e-mail me and ask their questions I would have really appreciated it. I was not "blasting"- I was asking for respect. It was very sweet of you to see that comment and stick up for me. It's people like you who are so amazing and don't let anything get in the way of your love and friendship who make the world a better place. You have always been an unwaivering example of who you are and what you believe, and you have never treated me like anything less than a dear dear friend. I am so thankful to have a person like you in my life! I love you! And by the way, they do know me... I don't make my blog private, but I have another way of seeing who visits, spends time on it, and comments(even if they comment "anonymous") and come to find out it's a cousin of mine. :( Sad they couldn't have been nicer, even if they wanted to be anonymous! I would have expected to be treated better by a family member.
Meg! So.. I read this "anonymous" post a while ago.. as you know, and kept my mouth shut..but came across your blog again today, and re-read it..and hopefully you are not angry with me..but I HAVE to reply. It made me laugh to read that comment, and it really is unreal. The reason you wrote that post, was because of people like that, cousin or no cousin. That person, proved you right. The fact that you wrote that post was NOT because you were struggling with yourself, or with god, it was because you were struggling with the fact that people in your life cannot accept that you DO KNOW your place with god, and with yourself, and your happy that way. ( If that person knew you well enough, they wouldn't have to read your blog to even know that!) One day, you will be accountable for your choices, we all will, INCLUDING "anonymous"...hopefully ( and yes, I said HOPE, because NO ONE but god knows what's in store)..that anonymous can handle being judged for the way, she is judging you, or anyone else who does not share the same belief as his/her. Ya know, not to stir the pot even more..because I have many Mormon friends who I love and would do anything for and would never judge them based on what they believe.... but...in our regular Christian church, our paster did a whole week worth of "truth" speaking..and challenged us to do our homework, learn about other belief's and study them..and make your OWN true heart decisions about god because NO ONE can tell you WHAT to believe, you have to really do it yourself...and when you do that, you will be in complete piece with your decisions, as well as the people around you... don't do just what your parents told you to do, do what your heart tells you. I wonder if anonymous has ever even walked into someone else's church and "did their homework" before they judged you or anyone else.. and I am sure we all know that answer. I would love to know what the "selfish" choices you have made?....loving god in your own way, and believing in him in your own home and not a church, to me..is the most self-less thing you can do...you have a much more personal relationship with him and that's all that matters... and I don't know if anonymous knows what "blasting" is.. maybe my comment here will be considered blasting, and if so...so be it. We'll see if anonymous is able to "accept what others have to say as well....and not just because it's what she/he wants to hear".
To see someone try and make you feel bad on your own blog, about your own feelings, is un-real. Seems like that person is trying to "defend" what they believe... and push and push to make you believe in what they believe in......or just make you feel bad in general...it's just crazy to me. To see someone try and hurt you on purpose, drives me crazy, since you are such a great person! Ok- enough, im done, I've said what I wanted..I love you and if you ever need anything you know where to go! :)
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